NOT in the slow lane, YET
The blog is about living life after 70 with joy, resilience, and purpose. NOT in the slow lane, YET is a source of positive, helpful advice encouraging people to set and achieve goals and find joy in life. The blog will cover personal experiences and thoughts and concerns. Topics of blogs will be health, retirement, fashion, travel, and living in continuing care retirement communities. The blogs will be short and appear at least once a month on my website www.nadineblock.comor by email if you choose. Come walk with me.
QUARANTINE CHRONICLES: Through the eyes of Zoom, Our family triumphed over gloom.
Zooming has been a family ritual for three years. COVID made us want more contact with family. We were lonely.
Dave sets up the Zoom sessions for four o’clock on Fridays. We rush home or rush from our recliners to the computer monitor. No need to put on make-up, a new shirt, or a cute outfit. It’s family. Pour a glass of wine, take off your shoes, and join five Ludwig siblings in their seventies and eighties having fun, reminiscing, and even drafting a book.
Conversation is easy in our family. Someone throws a barb. ”Hey Dave, where did you get that tee shirt? One of your estate sales finds? You need to scout out different neighborhood sales.” “Hey Barb, did you finally figure out how to text?” We tell stories and jokes. We share new hairdos, and minute face lifts that work. We share worries. PSA readings, torn rotator cuffs, and cancer problems. Lynda, the second youngest sibling is the chief caregiver and gives the nanny advice, unsolicited. We try to stay away from politics. It is hard to do. It’s a loving family and we work at keeping it that way.
Zoom came at a challenging time.
At the beginning of 2020, the country was in a depressive state… We were increasingly partisan, losing faith in institutions and worried about the country’s economy and direction. We had become more isolated, less likely to be church-going, and less interested in joining community service clubs or other social organizations. We were lonely and becoming more so. Some of us were leading difficult personal lives. My youngest son was dying of cancer. My husband broke his hip. He was in rehab and had dementia. I was trying to find an assisted living place for him. No one would take him. It was about to get worse.
On January 31, 2020, the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) declared a public health emergency. COVID was here.
Seven years earlier in January 2013, Zoom Video Communications, Inc. launched their video conferencing software. By the end of its first month, Zoom had 400,000 users. In less than six months, there were one million users. When we were locked in our homes with our loneliness and depressive states, Zoom helped us reach out to families to bring back safe, and joyful family experiences and fellow workers to create productive work experiences.
Conquering Gloom with Zoom.
The Ludwig family siblings, 72-87 years, in Ohio, California, and Florida spend a half hour every Friday afternoon sharing stories and jokes. We slip back into familiar family roles. We love to talk. We enjoy being silly, and witty, and making our siblings laugh. We share the great wisdom gathered from our long lives.
Sometimes we are nostalgic. We talked about growing up on a Wisconsin dairy farm where we learned hard work and responsibility and found the joy of a job well done. Children are the family farm workforce. Pulling weeds, picking rocks, mowing hay fields, baling hay and straw, detasseling corn, milking cows, feeding chickens, and collecting their eggs. Sitting down was strongly discouraged. There was too much to do and mom had a list for us.
We laugh and become the children we once were. We joke about who was spoiled, who hid in the bathroom to avoid work, and who was bossy. Memories of our childhood exploits. Barbara got us excused from eating liver by throwing up on the dining room table when it was served. The three oldest children plugged up the teacher’s car tailpipe with potatoes, turned on the school radio, and slipped into our desks before it warmed up and scared everyone. The principal caught me and hit my hands with a ruler. We were sent to weed the quarter-acre garden for hours for arguing or questioning authority. Gardening punishment mended our friendship. We agreed we had evil parents. We decided to make peanut butter sandwiches, run away, and live in the woods. Barbara reminded us that black bears lived in the woods.
We talk about our children and grandchildren. That takes a while. We have twelve children, eighteen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. There are new grandniece and grandnephew babies to celebrate. Stories from Lin about his precocious grandchildren. Luna, a Taylor Swift look-alike, age 8 just beat every one of the six boys in her ju-jitsu class and no one will fight her. The rest of us bring brag stories that sibs tolerate.
Lin fills us in on hometown news stories. It’s hard to believe there could be murders and mayhem in our quiet, rural growing-up place in Central Wisconsin. Poverty, homicides and suicides, the proliferation of guns, and drug abuse are part of a darker story of what’s happened to rural communities that have been left behind.
Zoom helped us draft a book.
In 2020, I decided to write a book about growing up on a Wisconsin dairy farm in the 1950s. The idea had gnawed in my brain for a few years. I wanted to make sense of my life. It gave me a purpose during the COVID lockdown. In l950, seventy percent of the country was rural. One-room schools, small farms, few opportunities for jobs other than farming, little expectation of advanced education for women, little mental stimulation, narrow-mindedness, and few ways to learn about the world. Television arrived during my high school years, and we began to see people living and thinking differently. The population was changing. People were moving to cities. I wanted to do that.
I wanted to leave the four-generation farm where I grew up. I knew as a child that I would not be a farmer. I would not marry a farmer. I hated the cruelties of animal life, the demanding work with poor pay, and the resistance to change in rural communities. I wanted bright lights. My dad wanted me to marry the richest farmer’s son. Mom saw my life as a secretary at a fancy hotel in Milwaukee. My wanting to leave was a disappointment for them. I also knew that I learned valuable life lessons living on a farm, lessons that served me well during my life.
I submitted my writing for our weekly Zoom meetings. My siblings read my memories and often disagreed. “Did we grow up in the same house?” they asked me. They delighted in giving their memories. Their memories added immensely to the book. It was written with stitched-together memories. It helped us understand each other. We kept our watch on our family through Zoom eyes. We grew closer together even though we were far away.
Our casual, comforting time communicating on Zoom made us laugh and, sometimes, made us cry. It made us feel fortunate to have such a great family. I was happy to complete the book and get it published. A Gannett Newspaper reviewer called it a “Feminist Farm Memoir” and thought I was working out my relationship with my mother. He was right. It made our family closer in the twilight of our lives. We intend to keep Zooming.
BENEFITS OF ZOOM MEETINGS:
Family rituals are important. Regular video meetings provide a family ritual that brings us closer to family.
Regular family video meetings can help reduce loneliness and isolation, especially for older people. It can be more important than therapy and medication.
A developmental milestone for older adults is making sense of one’s life, finding meaning in one’s existence, and adjusting to death according to a theory by the psychologist and psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. Sharing family stories helps us to understand our lives and gives them meaning and purpose.
HOW TO GET YOUR ZOOM MEETINGS STARTED:
Talk to a family member who might like to do a weekly or monthly family Zoom. The person can help you get your plan started. Thirty-minute Zoom sessions are free. Put together siblings or cousins, family members of a similar age.
Think about how they might be structured.
You could give a conversation starter question each time to break the ice for a discussion.
If the family group is older, they are likely to enjoy talking about memories of:
Who was your best friend in elementary school or high school? What did you like about the person? What happened to them?
What was your best gift as a child? Why?
What traditions did you like in our family? What was your favorite holiday in childhood?
Did you have a mentor? Who was it and why was that person important to you?
Other ideas that could be considered would be.
Food theme: Cooking dinner (same or different menu), eating and sharing recipes or ordering pizza and eating together.
Clothing theme: Wear a hat. Dress for a luau. Wear your favorite shirt or blouse.
Guess the name: Each write up in fewer than 100 words a bio of a famous person and see if the rest can guess who it is.
Play Bingo together!
Draft a story (or book) together about your childhood. Each submits short stories on subjects like school, family traditions, and what your childhood taught you. Read/discuss these on Zoom.
DO YOU HAVE A PLAN? GIVE IT A TRY!
If you need to learn how to host a Zoom meeting for the first time, go to Zoom.
https://www.makeuseof.com/host-zoom-meeting-desktop-web-mobile/
If you need more help, check with your grandchildren. They are sure to be able to help you.
Note: The book that was written during COVID with the help of my family was:
Block, Nadine. Remembering Rosie: Memories of a Wisconsin Farm Girl, Page Publishing, Inc., Conneaut Lake, PA, 2021. Available on Amazon and most bookstores.
Note: Gemini tools for editing were used 7-15-24.